Stormfront Literature III: ‘It’s a Wonderful Race’

its-a-wonderful-life
Every time a bell rings, a Pepe gets his wings.

In my third installment of “Stormfront Literature” I’ll be looking at a piece that was written especially for the holiday season. Have you ever wished that Frank Capra’s cinematic masterpiece It’s a Wonderful Life (1946) actually starred white supremacists? No? Well, too bad, this is “It’s a Wonderful Race” by James Bronson.

Bronson describes the main character, George, as a college freshman who argues with his father over whether white people “should be held accountable for all the evils that they had inflicted upon non-Whites throughout history.” I guess by being “held accountable” he means having to pay reparations:

There once was a college freshman named George who thought he knew it all. One night over dinner, George got into an argument with his father. The argument began when the young student tried to explain to his father that as White people, they should be held accountable for all the evils that they had inflicted upon non-Whites throughout history. George explained: “Because of European racism, we stole the Indians’ land, we held blacks in slavery, we persecuted the Jews, and we plundered the environment. We’ve been oppressive racists for thousands of years so it’s only fair that we pay economic reparations for all the harm we’ve done to the world. I’m pleased to see that we are ending our political and economic domination of the oppressed peoples.”

George’s dad was shocked to hear such talk. “Who put such commie-pinko nonsense into your head, boy? Did one of your sandal-wearing hippie college professors teach you that?” the father asked.

To which the son replied: “That’s the truth dad. My anthropology professor, Dr. Irving Silverstein, says so. He ought to know. Dr. Silverstein is a well-respected Ph.D. People of your generation just don’t understand because you were raised in a White supremacist, racist society. That’s why I’ve come to admire Dr. Rev. Martin Luther King as the greatest man in American history. He stood up to the racists of your generation. Because of him, my generation of White kids is completely color blind.”

“Dr. Silverstein”? Well of course the villain (spoilers) is Jewish. Not really throwing any curveballs at me here, James. And George really thinks people of his generation are “completely colorblind”? I think George is learning the wrong lessons here. But of course, the father is an even bigger asshole:

The father angrily replied: “That’s bull****! I’ve always been fair-minded and tolerant of people from all backgrounds and races. I haven’t ‘oppressed’ anybody, and furthermore there’s nothing wrong with being proud of one’s own people, including the European race of people. Your race is in your blood. It’s like an extension of your biological family and you ought to be proud of your European heritage and identity, just like every other racial group in America is proud of its. Why is it OK for them to have a strong sense of racial identity but it’s evil for us Europeans to feel that way?”

The young “intellectual” laughed at his father. “Come on dad, that’s the kind of crap Hitler tried to peddle. Those racist attitudes were discredited years ago. There’s only one race and that’s the human race. Diversity is our greatest strength. Differences in so-called “race” are as insignificant as differences in belly buttons. And besides, UN statistics now show that low White birth rates, along with the fact that we live in an multicultural society, will mean that Europeans and their ethnocentrist and racist culture will have died out by the end of the century,” young George said.

Dad then stormed out of the room, logged onto Twitter, and started calling strangers “beta cucks.”

Turning red with anger, the father yelled: “You are a walking cliché, you know that, boy? And you think it’s a good thing that the European peoples of the world will have faded out and ceased to exist?” Young George replied; “I think it’s great! It will mean the end of racism and the end of hate. The oppressed peoples of the world would have been better off if us racist Europeans had never existed to begin with.”

Suddenly there was a blast of cold wind, an explosion, and a huge smoke cloud. When the smoke had settled, George found himself alone and lost in a cold open field.

An angel named Clarence then appeared to him and said “Well George, you’ve got your wish.”

Wait, what if George just wanted to see a world without racists? Wouldn’t this be more productive than just naïvely wishing away white people? Wouldn’t some other imperialists just take the place of the British and the Belgians and the French? Starting to see some real plot holes here.

George asked: “Where am I? What’s going on here? And who are you?”

The angel answered, “George, I’m Clarence the Angel. I was sent here to show you what the world would have been like if Europeans, or Whites, had never existed. You now live in a world where Europeans never existed.”

“Oh. That’s cool. I’ll have no problem adapting because there’s not a racist bone in my body. And when I get back to my world, I’ll be able to tell my professor and my friends how great this non-racist world was. Say, I’m freezing my ass off out here. Where’s the nearest motel?”

“Motel?” replied the angel. “There are no motels here in what was once called North America. But there are some caves up in those mountains where you can find shelter.”

“Caves? No way, man. I want a nice warm bed to sleep in.”

“I don’t think you understand George. There are no buildings here in non-white America because the evil Europeans never came here to build them. Whites never existed, remember? The natives live in tents. Would you like to go meet some local Indians? Perhaps they’ll let you stay in a tent.”

Yes, apparently by the year 2016 (or technically 2003, the year this dreck was written) Native Americans still haven’t constructed buildings. Except for fucking longhouses and shit that they built hundreds of years ago, but hey, it’s not my story. Back to the gratuitous insults to the indigenous population:

“A tent? But it’s 10 degrees outside?…Oh well. It’s better than a cave I suppose. Let’s go talk to these Indians…… Wait a second, are these Indians friendly or hostile?”

“Why, George, that’s a racist question to ask. Just because some Indians were brutal savages who scalped their victims alive, it doesn’t mean they all were”, said the angel sarcastically.

“I know that Clarence. And I’m not a racist. I hate racism. Nonetheless, I’d feel safer if I could have a gun to defend myself if they turn out to be violent.”

“Gun?” replied the angel. “There are no guns for you to defend yourself with. Firearms were invented by evil Europeans. Though, we could make a spear with those twigs over there…”

Chinese actually. The Chinese invented the first firearms. And this is still assuming that by the, ahem, current year gun powder and firearms wouldn’t have made their way from Asia to other continents? Or that gun powder wouldn’t have been replicated by indigenous people?

George then asks for a telephone, a car, and a train, only to be told by Clarence that none of those machines exist because they were invented by “evil Europeans” and, thus, do not exist. Get used to him saying that, by the way. It comes up a lot. George then touched the angel’s robe and they flew to South America, which means now James has started ripping off A Christmas Carol too.

George touched the angel’s robe and they flew south until they arrived in an abandoned mud hut in the midst of Incan territory. George was grateful for the warm weather but it wasn’t long until he began to complain about the heat and humidity.

“Clarence, this hut is a little ****hole and I’m sweating up a storm here. Get me an air-conditioner…please!”

“Air-conditioner?” replied the angel. “There are no air-conditioners here. Air conditioning and refrigeration were inventions created by evil White men.”

“What?!! You mean to tell me that in the year 2003 these people still haven’t figured out a way to keep themselves or their food cool?” a frustrated George asked.

“No George, they haven’t. And they never will.”

This cracks me up. Just the idea that the author thinks that, because Peruvians didn’t have air conditioners during the reign of the Inca Empire, they would be literally incapable of inventing them. Also, “shithole”? Guess I forgot that evil Europeans invented salty language.

By morning time, Clarence and George had arrived at the temple of the Incans. A bloody human sacrifice was in progress. George turned to Clarence and cried, “They’re going to butcher that poor soul! Somebody has got to stop this. What horrible murdering beasts! Can’t anyone stop them?”

The angel replied “I’m afraid not. Ritual killings are common place here.” Those evil European racists like Columbus, Cortez and Pizzaro never existed so the Incans just continued their brutal ways. In fact, it was the oppressed peoples themselves who made up the bulk of the Spanish armed forces. The people saw the Spaniards as liberators who would rid them of the oppressive Incan and Mayan rulers and give them a better life.”

“I can’t blame them for helping the Spaniards then. This is a horrible place. Get me out of this ****hole now!” said George.

Really? He thinks that people in the present would still be practicing capacocha? Even though the Incan Empire might have already been in decline by the time the conquistadors arrived? That’s a bit like thinking that Celts would be around today and ritualistically decapitating people. Or that Slavs would still be participating in human sacrifice. Or that the English would still be murdering “witches” and executing gays.

Then George asks that he be taken to Africa (oh god, no, please no) and engages in a back-and-forth about how there are no planes or boats because evil Europeans are gone. As you can imagine, the trip to Africa is not very, um, enlightened:

When they arrived in Africa, George saw thousands of half-naked African tribesmen being herded along a dirt path. They were guarded by other Africans with spears. “What are they doing to those poor men?” George asked Clarence.

“They are being enslaved by another tribe. Slavery was common in Africa long before the whites arrived,” Clarence said. “In fact, most of the slaves who were shipped to the Americas were sold to the slave traders by African tribal leaders.”

The author, who likely can’t actually name a single African tribe (or country), is just trying to justify chattel slavery as practiced by European countries and the U.S. The two were not equivalent, and he’s an idiot. And so is George:

“That’s so sad,” George said. “I want to meet Martin Luther King. Since his White assassin never existed, this great man should still be alive. He’s probably a great tribal chief somewhere and leader of an advanced civilization. He will free these slaves from their African masters. Take me to him, Clarence.”

Dumbass, he’s not going to be around. If white people never existed, MLK’s ancestors would likely never have been in what is now the United States. Or maybe they would but in entirely different regions. The odds of his specific ancestors meeting one another, eventually leading to his birth, would probably be quite low. I mean, I don’t even know what to say here.

Clarence led George to a little hut deep in the heart of Africa. The naked women and children looked at George in wonder. The young men were out on a hunt but the older men stayed behind. George was led to the dingy little hut of the tribal witchdoctor and spiritual leader. There he saw a wild-looking man with a necklace of teeth around his neck and a huge ring pierced through his nose. “What the hell is that?” George asked.

“Meet Witch-doctor Matunbo Lutamba Kinga” Clarence said. He never became Reverend Martin Luther King because there were no universities or seminaries built to educate him. Europeans weren’t there to create such opportunities. But he did become the tribe’s spiritual leader. He specializes in casting evil spells. Perhaps he can help you?”

I take that back. I don’t even know what to say here. There’s so much wrongness packed into such a small space it might create a black hole of stupid. MLK exists, but he’s a shaman — shamanism is, again, not exclusive to Africa — and his name is “Matunbo Lutamba Kinga.” I’m surprised the author didn’t give up and just make his name a bunch of chimp noises, it’d be par for the course for this story.

MLK then tries to carve out George’s heart (I don’t know) and he begs for Clarence to take him to Egypt, and Clarence says some bullshit about how the “black scientists, inventors, doctors, athletes, and entertainers you speak of were never given the opportunity to realize their full human potential because Europeans weren’t around to introduce higher civilization and learning to them.”

Oh and then Clarence says the Egyptians were actually white:

“I don’t understand. According to my recollections from Geography class, the great pyramids should be near this very spot. We ought to be able to see them from miles away,” said George.

“Well, George, I’m sure your professors at the college never told you this, but the ancient Egyptians were not black or brown. They were Caucasians. The anthropologists who examined the Egyptian mummies confirmed this fact. There are no pyramids and no Sphinx either. And the Carthaginians were white too.”

That must be why they painted themselves with dark skin so frequently. And the author makes Indians and Persians honorary whites as well:

“Take me to Asia then. Surely the great civilizations of Persia, India, China, and Japan will suit me” George said. “Clarence, to the Taj Mahal please.”

“The Taj Mahal?” replied the angel. “Don’t you know that the ancient Persian and Indian civilizations were established by ancient Indo-European tribes who crossed the Himalayas? They are the ones who civilized India and built the Taj Mahal. Those are the great civilizations that Marco Polo, Columbus, and others were searching for. Did you know that Iran is Persian for “land of the Aryan?”

George said: “Don’t tell me that the Indians were White men! That can’t be. In the world I came from, I knew many Indians and they were not White!”

Clarence explained: “As the centuries passed, the Indo-Europeans who created Indian civilization intermarried with the native majorities who populated the Indian subcontinent. Gradually there were less and less evil White people until they faded out completely, along with the advanced civilization they had built. You will notice that there are still a few white-skinned and fair-haired Indians and Pakistanis around today — in the world you came from that is.

After saying some moderately racist things about the Japanese (they were the most “orderly, advanced and civil” people he had seen, but mostly just rice farmers and soldiers) Clarence goes into the “You really had a wonderful life” speech:

“Oh shut up already! Then just take me back to the world as it was!”

“Sorry George. I’m not authorized to do that. Only my boss can make that call.”

Clarence said to him: “You see George. Your father was right. You really had a wonderful race. Don’t you see what a foolish mistake it is to be ashamed and guilty about your own people, and to let them die out? This is what the world would be like without the creative spark of Edison and Ford and Pasteur and Marconi. No great scientists, or mathematicians, or inventors or fine artists. No Archimedes, no Aristotle, no Socrates, no Alexander, no Renaissance, no Newton, no Kepler, no Goddard, no Mendel, no Tesla, no Faraday, no Guttenberg, no Shakespeare, no Dickens, no Twain, no Mozart, no Beethoven, no Davinci, no Michelangelo, no Galileo, no Copernicus.

No George Bush, no Coldplay, no Pat Boone, no Archie Comics!

There’s nothing for the people of this world to build upon. It’s just a daily struggle for subsistence. It’s a brutal planet where the few people who aren’t mired in eternal ignorance and darkness have reached their peak of civilization and are advancing no further.”

Clarence went on to lecture the broken and depressed young man for seven days straight. He covered everything. History, science, economics, philosophy, art, literature, fine music, architecture, medicine, politics, agriculture, religion, and all the creations and contributions that the European peoples had made in every conceivable field of human endeavor. George listened closely to every word. He felt like a man who had been reborn.

So after this week-long brainwashing session, George finally understands how awesome it is to be racist, and cries out to God:

Please God. I see what a fool I’ve been. I understand now what my father was trying to tell me. I want to go back to the world that I came from. A world where Europeans not only existed, but blessed the rest of humanity world with their unique creative ability. I want to live in a civilized world. Please God!…take me back!…take me back!…Oh God….please.

Of course the angel takes him back to his largely vanilla world again, and he starts imitating a reformed Ebenezer Scrooge:

George’s roommates looked at him as if he was crazy. “George! Have you gone crazy?” asked a bewildered schoolmate.

“No, my friends, I haven’t taken leave of my senses. I’ve come to them!” George replied. George then began to sing classic European folk songs in the shower. Miraculously, he was able to sing in many different languages. He sang O Sole Mio in Italian, Amazing Grace in English, Gloire Immortelle in French, Das Ist Der Tag in German, and also Belgian, Spanish and French ballads and waltzes. Tears of sheer joy began to stream down his cheeks. The degenerate music of hip-hop and rap lost all of its appeal to young George.

Yeah, who needs rap, jazz, and rock’n’roll anyway?

After his shower, George drove to a nearby restaurant and ordered two whole entrees. One was Lasagna and the other was a delicious veal marsala. With his Italian food he had a Greek salad with Spanish olives and Russian dressing, drank a whole bottle of French wine, followed by a German pastry for dessert. He finished his meal off with a hot cup of English tea and a Cuban cigar.

George said out loud: “Oh, those European peoples and their delicious cuisine. Clarence was right after all. What a wonderful race!”

George died at age 35 of heart failure and lung cancer. No, actually he becomes one of those dopes obsessed with “white genocide”:

George was happy, but at the same time he realized there was much work to be done. He thought of all those poor whites in Rhodesia and South Africa who were being murdered and raped ever since they gave up control of those once-European nations. He thought of the many thousands of qualified Whites who were passed up for good jobs and college entrance because of racial quotas that discriminate against Europeans. He thought about the declining birthrates among all the European nations of the world. He remembered that Europeans everywhere were dwindling in numbers every year even as their own nations were being flooded with third world immigration. He recalled the O.J. Simpson verdict and how millions of blacks in America cheered when that brutal double murderer was set free by a black jury after he stabbed two Whites to death. He remembered the Los Angeles riots of 1992, where dozens of Whites were dragged out of their vehicles and killed like dogs in the streets by packs of White-hating monsters who were never even punished! He remembered the time when Jesse Jackson led a cheer at Stanford University: “Hey Hey, Ho Ho, Western Civ. has got to go!” His European blood began to boil in righteous indignation when he recalled how Jesse Jackson once said he had spit in White people’s food when he was a young restaurant worker. George now understood that that his people were on a collision course with worldwide disaster and genocide. George realized that this great people must not perish from the face of the earth.

Yeah, affirmative action, Rhodesia, LA riots, Jesse Jackson. Got it. Anything else? Oh yes, he hasn’t gone full Derek Vinyard and curb-stomped his Jewish professor yet:

George could not wait to see his father. He longed to embrace him and apologize for all of the foolish and disrespectful things he had said to him. But first, George had a score to settle with a certain college professor. He walked into Dr. Silverstein’s auditorium and quietly took a seat in the back row. The nasal voiced Silverstein was lecturing on and on about racial and gender inequalities in European-centered civilizations. It was vintage Silverstein. George’s impressionable White schoolmates, with their baggy pants, hip-hop clothes and backwards baseball caps, were swallowing Silverstein’s poison pills hook, line and sinker. After letting Silverstein spew his cultural poison for about 15 minutes or so, George raised his hand so that he could give the professor a piece of his newly educated mind.

Props on the anti-Semitic undertones here with the professor’s “nasal voice.” He loses points for not giving him horns or claws and a forked tongue though:

“ENOUGH! You scheming devil! You mendacious fabricator of falsehoods! You pusillanimous purveyor of pinko propaganda! How dare you try to corrupt and manipulate our young minds when your filthy lies. We Europeans have nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to apologize for, and everything to be proud of. And most of all, we don’t owe anybody jack-**** – not one thin dime! To the contrary, it is the rest of humanity that owes us a debt which can never be repaid! We are the rightful heirs and protectors of a rich cultural heritage. You vile manipulator! We are the sons of the Romans, the sons of the Greeks, the Celtics, the Vikings, the Normans, the Saxons. Why do you inflict shame and guilt upon us? We Europeans didn’t just contribute to civilization…WE ARE CIVILIZATION! And I declare that I will no longer tolerate you ****head “intellectuals” trying to tear our people down. Never again will we walk on eggshells when we speak, always fearing that we might be called “racist.” I no longer care what people think. All that matters is the truth which you have sought to pervert!”

“What are you up to anyway? Why do you to corrupt my young peers by shoving false heroes down their throats. Enough of your Marxist games of divide and conquer, you commie pinko subversive! I don’t want to learn anymore about Martin Luther King, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton or Black History Month. They would not have amounted to anything without the institutions of high civilization created by the European peoples. I’m going to set this class straight about who the truly great men of history are – the European statesmen, scientists, explorers, monarchs, navigators, conquerors, inventors, artists, writers, philosophers – the innovative giants of history that you and your ilk have erased from our collective memories. You speak of a world liberated from European influence? Permit me tell your students about such a world, Silverstein, because I can speak from personal experience, you wretched little conspiring monster!”

Then he screamed “Praise Kek!” and jumped out the window.

Speaking from the heart as well as the mind, and with an eloquence he never thought he could muster, George broke out into a 60-minute monologue on history, science, philosophy, culture, and all the other attributes that constitute high civilization. The young students were captivated by George’s brilliant oratory. Many were moved to tears. By the end of his tirade, George’s reawakened classmates were thundering their approval of his speech. The class gave George a standing ovation and they thanked him for helping them rediscover and reclaim their own sense of pride and lost identity.

Oh shit, George just started the Fourth Reich! This part is actually my favorite because it’s so reminiscent of those fundamentalist Chick Tracts that are supposed to convert people to Christianity. Especially the one where the student challenges his science teacher on evolution by reciting Creationist talking points. The whole audience sees the error of its ways and abandons science for good. Here, instead of science it’s “degenerate” culture, and students start tossing out their “hip-hop baseball caps” and “nose earrings” in the trash. Insert “How do you do, fellow kids?” meme here.

Dr. Silverstein was left humiliated and visibly shaken. He knew that these reawakened European kids could never again be brainwashed with “political correctness” and White guilt. Silverstein’s greatest fear was that more of these proud European youths would one day reawaken and take their country and civilization back from the Silversteins of the world.

Silverstein was worried, but he remained confident that most young men and women would never learn the truth about their glorious past and unique creative abilities. After all, the mass media, Hollywood, the music industry, the colleges, and the public schools are all controlled by “liberals” like Dr. Silverstein. With the power of political correctness in their hands, they can continue to tear down our European ancestors, destroy our institutions and traditions, instigate blacks and other races against the whites, flood America with third-world immigration, and push “hip-hop” music, homosexuality, and other garbage onto a weak, confused and morally degenerate youth. After reflecting upon these facts, Silverstein smiled a devilish grin and muttered to himself: “A few of these European sheep may wake up to what’s being done to them, but the majority of these idiots never will.” And he smiled again….and laughed with diabolical Marxist glee. Then he repeated to himself “No…they will never figure it all out until it’s too late.”

“OH MY GOD IT WAS A JEWISH CONSPIRACY THE WHOLE TIME! MERRY CHRISTMAS DAVID DUKE! MERRY CHRISTMAS ALEX JONES! MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU WONDERFUL OLD NATIONAL POLICY INSTITUTE!”

You know, after reading this I almost sympathize with George from the beginning of the story. True he was misguided and kind of dense, but if white people didn’t exist I wouldn’t have to read this steaming pile of crap. Happy holidays, everyone!