Roosh Valizadeh Pens Satirical Letter From ‘Global Elite’

In a new post for his personal blog, pickup artist Roosh Valizadeh presents us with, ahem, “letter from a member of the global elite.” He prefaces this email with the following:

Below is an email I received from a man who claims to be a member of a family that is one of the top 100 richest in the world. I believe it to be authentic.

Right. The email is written from the perspective of a wealthy puppetmaster who pulls the strings of global finance because Illuminati or whatever. I’ll just let not-Roosh speak for himself here:

I repeatedly told David that the European Union and United States were not yet ready for the final stage of our plan, but he didn’t listen. Because he wanted to rush things through before passing away, we may have jeopardized decades of hard work where the sheep of the West would have voluntarily signed the death warrants of their own family members had we commanded it. I’ve had to cancel many social functions to meet with media owners to develop a modified narrative to save our beloved agenda.

We stumbled upon a useful technique in Germany after World War 2 when we noted how guilty Germans felt about asserting national identity and defending themselves from harm. They gave the keys to the castle over to the Americans, who thanks to their powerful cognitive elite, played an instrumental role in the rise of a digestible multiculturalism that led to the Germans competing amongst themselves to announce who was most welcoming of anything non-German, including people from countries who still practice stonings and beheadings. Once we saw the power that guilt played in allowing our agenda to be adopted, we copy-pasted it throughout the Western world, particularly Scandinavia and the Anglosphere.

Most of your readers already know why we insist on Islamist immigrants, but in case you’ve been stuck under a rock of our design, the biggest threat to our power in a country like Germany is Germans. In America it’s Americans. It’s the natives who may look at each other, recognize themselves, and then begin a government overthrow that threatens my regal lifestyle and those of my friends. By destroying a country’s social fabric, which consists of its nationalistic pride, belief in Christianity, the family unit, and fraternal organizations, we leave a once strong and cohesive people lost, confused, weak, demoralized, sterile, and floating in a plastic consumer wind we created, where the only way they can ease the pain of their psychological suffering and lack of meaningful human bonds is is to seek entertainment, antidepressant drugs, alcohol, and casual sex.

Our offensive front upon the identity of a nation is topped in terms of effectiveness only by feminism, the Hiroshima of cultural bombs that has destroyed the family unit so beyond our wildest dreams that I have a good chuckle about it every now and then. Its success is why David hastily thought we were ready to unleash the Nagasaki immigration bomb to finish off the job before his body gave way.

Our feminist useful idiots on the ground, with their short hair, ugly bodies, and shrieking manner, have been so effective that the German birth rate is now the worst in the entire world! This outcome is better than any eugenics program mankind has ever seen. We have allowed German women (and Swedish, British, American, etc.) to voluntarily sterilize themselves with absurd notions of being strong and independent by laboring dutifully and single-mindedly in our corporations. The scam has so many levels that it’s hard to respect the female sheep for not seeing it[.]

Let’s see, so the author, who isn’t Roosh, hates Muslim immigrants, expresses a fondness for pre-WWII Germany, says immigration and feminism has “destroyed the family unit,” and states that feminist women have “short hair, ugly bodies, and shrieking manner.” So it’s no different than anything else Roosh writes or publishes.

You have to admit this is genius, especially since there are still women who think feminism is about female empowerment. It is about empowerment—for us! Our research has calculated that a woman begins to be unsatisfied with corporate work after 13 years, but by then she is too withered, barren, and emotionally broken from being pumped and dumped so many times that she will be unsuccessful in finding a mate and reproducing, forcing her to work for the rest of her life. And even if she has kids, she’ll be such a horrible mother that her kids will be sterile degenerates anyway.

Once we took care of the women, the men took barely a pittance of effort to get wrapped around our fingers. Their genetic predisposition already primed them to work like mindless mules, and now that we turned their young, fertile women into feral monsters who destroy their own bodies and souls, all we had to do for the men was hang the olive tree of fun casual sex. Our media guys in Hollywood made the rock star lifestyle the most coveted desire of these mules, and they sucked up the hookup culture, dating apps, drunken sex—you name it. Even the owner of this web site was a useful idiot of ours, spreading the idea of sterile sex even better than Jersey Shore (I secretly bought 10,000 copies of his stupid book Bang so he would continue writing about “banging” or whatever he calls it.) I can’t say I like his more recent ideas, however, since it seems to promote reproduction and stronger family bonds.

Wait, did Roosh just admit that his pickup artist routine helped destroy the very fabric of society? Did he call himself a “useful idiot”? Oh, I’m sorry, I forgot, this is Mr. Global Elite speaking. My bad. Please continue.

As for why we are doing what we’re doing, you have to understand that there are too many people on the Earth, and we’re having trouble controlling all of you. We already have all the wealth we need, so our main goal is to preserve it. Don’t listen to what our politician puppets have to say about “income equality” or egalitarian bullshit—we have no intention of making that a reality. We need to maintain the status quo while gradually limiting the population in a controlled, efficient manner, especially populations of those who can pose problems to our immediate interests: European derived white people.

Ah, those darn white people again. Curses!

I’m white in skin tone myself, but the problem with Christian whites is that our models show they are the greatest danger to our power. I’m sure you’ve read the history books we put in your factory high schools about all the revolutions that happen when white people get angry. This is why we have an intense propaganda campaign of “population control is good” and “global warming is bad” to demoralize whites. It functions alongside programs of open-door immigration and feminism to reduce their numbers relative to other groups that accelerate the decline of their social fabric and make them feel guilty for merely living. Ever wonder why you rarely see big white families anymore? It’s so rare that if there is one, we make a reality show out of them and convince everyone how weird, crazy, and backwards they are.

I don’t wonder that. Where I live, we have plenty of big, white families. I know, I thought it was a myth too.

Polish, Hungarian, and Czech politicians must have been secretly avoiding our testosterone lowering chemicals and foods to gather enough testicular fortitude. They showed other Europeans that accepting millions of brown men will decrease their standard of living and make their streets more dangerous and unwelcoming. Our media channels, even in the USA, a country we’ve already bombed with millions of invaders with hundreds of our strategically placed “refugee centers,” were not able to silence this grassroots resistance or control it. Every wannabe nationalist tried to be a hero and yell about how the “elite” is controlling the West. Unfortunately for us, it was working.

Wait a minute, didn’t Roosh’s father come from Iran? Isn’t he one of those “brown men” he’s accusing of decreasing our standard of living? Is he that desperate to fit in with white nationalists? Oops, forgot, this is not-Roosh!

After we recently put the nail in the coffin of the Western family unit with homosexual marriage (code name “AIDS Marriage”), you’re probably thinking that we’re going to introduce some zany new cause like bestiality, but honestly we don’t need to. Your birth rates are ruined and your most fertile young women are already taking birth control pills at the same time we have them on a schedule of HPV vaccines with delicious long-term side effects. You didn’t hear it from me, but if a woman has been on birth control for over five years, her endocrine system is so ravaged that at least a quarter of them will remain sterile forever. Therefore you’ll probably agree that no more cultural bombs are needed. We can focus instead on cementing our media control even further. Sorry, David, but you won’t see much more action before your third heart gives out.

The homophobic bits sound awfully familiar.

We monitor sites like this so we can get a rough count for how many of you are on to our plans, but honestly you’re too insignificant to make a difference. I can give Roosh himself the minutes to our secret meetings, but it will be known by less than 100,000 people in a world of 7 billion. None of our media outlets will cover the news and if it does happen to go viral on its own, we’ll get the link banned from Facebook within a day. I doubt that will be necessary because the tsunami of media content we blanket the wires with makes it almost impossible for a genuinely harmful bit of news to rise to the top, and as long as our girl Kim Kardashian has an ass that continues to dazzle the world, your “conspiracy theory” won’t be taken seriously.

Is it really so difficult to accept that you are pawns in our chess game? At least you don’t have to perform hard manual labor in a factory or farm like our sheep of the past. Think about it: you hardly do any real work for a life filled with our tasty entertainments that give you a rough simulation of the joy humans used to experience naturally. Sure your life is sterile, you have no concept of family, and your people think having pride in their own country is neocolonialism or white privilege, but there’s a reason why you are controlled by us instead of the other way around: we were destined to have power over you. You’re lucky we give you our scraps at all, because once we unleash our advanced robots, which are in late-stage development, you won’t even be needed. Pray that we don’t get Bill to unleash his diabolical vaccines on you!

I now have some important business to attend to so that’s enough for today. I hope you feel as graced by my presence as I feel dirtied by yours.


Master Servant Of Lucifer

Watch out Roosh, they’re after your website, and if they catch you they’ll give you a flu shot! And this is evidently a Satanic plot, too, as can be gathered from the “Master Servant Of Lucifer” part.

Okay, I’m done pretending this wasn’t written by Roosh (or one of his acolytes). It’s obviously satire and, for what it’s worth, it actually works. I mean, it doesn’t convey the message that Roosh intended when he (or whoever) wrote this, but it actually fits the definition of satire.

Think about it. Think about the sheer absurdity of this letter. Global elites who wish to depopulate the world (especially white people) through multiculturalism, feminism, immigration, and so on. Food additives that lower testosterone. Birth control and same-sex marriage lowering birth rates. Monitoring sexist websites and giving toxic vaccines. It’s the perfect satire of what the far-right “white genocide” crowd believes. They really are this stupid.