Greetings, friends! In the wake of the much-maligned theatrical release of The Sarkeesian Effect, I’ve decided to make a documentary of my own, and I need your help. My new project will be a documentary film about the making of Jordan Owen and Davis Aurini’s disastrous movie, from the duo begging gullible fans for cash, to the first split up, to the subsequent reconciliation, and, in the end, the pair’s tragic meltdown and film’s release.
Of course, the movie — tentatively titled The Snark-eesian Effect — needs a little crowdfunding. Probably on Go Fund Me or another similar website. I’m thinking along the lines of a modest $75,000 to cover the cost of equipment, a crew, hotel stays and associated travel expenses, and plane tickets for the film’s interviewees.
Now, before you say, “Hey, anyone can just critique their filmmaking on a blog post or YouTube video,” let me respond by saying that you’re not wrong. In fact, at this point, so many people have already ripped their movie to shreds that a movie on the subject is probably superfluous. But my project will be different in that it’s much more expensive than just talking about it online.
So what I’m asking, dear readers, is that you give. Give till it hurts! In return, here’s a list of what you’ll get in exchange for your generous donations:
- A signed photo of the new car I’ll inevitably buy with the bulk of the donation money.
- The comfort of knowing that you’re helping me pay my student loans/feeding my crippling addiction to Funyuns.
- A website dedicated to the film complete with bios of the interviewees which actually consist of paragraphs lifted from James Joyce’s Ulysses. Why? I dunno, a wizard did it. Fuck you.
- A barrage of emails asking for an additional $15,000 to complete the project after I dick around with the raw footage for six months.
- A finished documentary that I filmed using my cell phone camera, complete with: Zero musical score, interviews with ideologically like-minded individuals, poor editing, random fades to black, and a voiceover that makes it sound like a 6th grade history project.
Thank you in advance, even though we all know nothing will come of it.